WHEN I think of positive parenting I think of parenting from the perspective of love and mercy for our children. There are many hadeeth and examples from the Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) of his mercy and care with regard to the children in his life. One such example is this:

Narrated Abu Huraira:

Allah's Apostle kissed Al-Hasan bin Ali while Al-Aqra' bin Habis At-Tamim was sitting beside him. Al-Aqra said, "I have ten children and I have never kissed anyone of them," Allah's Apostle cast a look at him and said, "Whoever is not merciful to others will not be treated mercifully."

Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Book 73: Volume 8, Book 73, Number 26:

In recent articles (Battle of the Wills and Rights, Responsibilities, and Privileges), I discussed the first steps to positive parenting. In order to understand the concept of positive parenting we have to explore our perception of discipline.

Merriam-Webster defines discipline as:

Most of us don’t look past the first line. We see discipline as punishment. I prefer to dig deeper and I find the American Heritage Dictionary definition even more revealing:

Discipline: Training expected to produce a specific character or pattern of behavior, especially training that produces moral or mental improvement.

Adjusting our perspective of discipline from “punishment” to “training” is much more in line with the mercy shown by the Prophet (peace be upon him) to the children in his life. This shift in our focus can make the difference between constant struggles with our children and family harmony.

As an example:

Family A has two children who seem ungrateful, constantly whine, and rarely obey their parents. The mother finds herself exhausted from chasing behind her children and feels all she does is nag them to get things done. Often overwhelmed, she finds it simpler to do everything herself and resents her children’s disobedience.

Family B has four children who are gentle, polite, and self motivated. They rarely argue and usually do things the first time asked. The mother is calm, confident and at ease in her parenting. She humbly shrugs off comments exclaiming, “How do you do it with so many kids!?!” from other mothers in the “Family A” group.

So what’s the difference?

Family B’s parents foster the behaviors they desire in their children. Their children understand the difference between rights and responsibilities and know what is expected of them. They also have a system in place that is consistent and clear. The children in Family B know what it takes to EARN their privileges and are motivated to do so.

Check back for coming articles with more practical, positive parenting advice.

©2011 aisha_alhajjar@yahoo.com, All Rights Reserved (All writings are the original work of Aisha Al Hajjar and are based on her personal research, experiences, and opinions; they do not necessarily reflect the views of The American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth®, The Bradley Method®, or this publication.