AROUND two years of age, our children start to flex their muscles of independence.  Almost every mother can remember the first time her child adamantly stomped his foot while announcing, “I can do it!”  As a mother, this can be everything from adorable to annoying, all rolled into one!

On one hand, when you watch your children begin to do things for themselves, you have a sense of pride and wonder.  The wonder comes from time flown by so fast!  How did that little dependent infant turn into a trying-to-be-competent little person?

It can be amusing to watch your child try to dress himself for the first time.  On the other hand, it may seem far from amusing when you are in a hurry to get somewhere and they take forever to get ready!  Or worse, they insist on wearing something totally inappropriate and throw a tantrum when you try to “help” or correct their mistakes.  (Can you picture mismatched shoes and a winter coat in the midst of a heat wave?)

Reprieve comes as they get older and more competent.  This is when you can begin to enjoy their independence, as it is a load off of you.  However, new issues then begin to crop up.  The biggest that comes to mind involves their responsibilities and obligations. 

Speaking of responsibilities, children should have responsibilities in the home.  You can read more about the concept in the article Positive Parenting: Rights, Responsibilities, and Privileges.  A key point is to let go of control when you give your child a responsibility.  Teach your child what you expect of them and then let them do it.  Be ready to check their work, praise successes, and gently point out areas for improvement, but please don’t do it for them or redo it after they’ve completed the task.  By modeling what you expect from them and then trusting them to the job, you teach them to be confident and trustworthy.  It’s a huge step in maturity for them to be able to handle their obligations all on their own.

This extends to obligations outside of the home as well.  The biggest place for this is in schoolwork.  I shake my head when I see parents “saving” their children by finishing the child’s assignment or allowing them to stay home from school “sick” when they miss a deadline.  As parents, it is tempting to “protect” our children from their mistakes, but all we are really doing is creating lazy and irresponsible people by doing so.

Heed your child’s two-year old announcement and keep it in mind as they mature.  Remember when you are tempted to jump in and rescue your child that statement made many years back, “I can do it!”  Then sit back and let them.  Be proud when they succeed and thank Allah when they learn from their mistakes.  Maturity comes from such experiences and the wise parent allows life’s test to plan the lessons.

©2011 aisha_alhajjar@yahoo.com, All Rights Reserved  (All writings are the original work of Aisha Al Hajjar and are based on her personal research, experiences, and opinions; they do not necessarily reflect the views of any organization or this publication.)