AS a mother of eight, I often hear, “You have your hands full!” or “I don’t know how you do you do it with so many kids?!?” I usually just shrug it off without much thought.

But this past week I’ve had a friend staying over. She had her two young children with her. Although I have more children than she, it quickly became clear that my “job” is far easier than hers!

Two of my children are similar ages to her two (two and four). Masha’Allah, her kids are really well behaved and fairly easy. But still, she faces much more of a burden with the details of mothering than I do. Obviously, we both have diapers to change and babies to feed. But the similarities stop there. Her children are far more dependent upon her than mine are on me. Even my one-year-old is easier than her eldest. Not only is she somewhat more independent, but she has a lot of older siblings that naturally cover her areas of dependence and it’s not all on me all the time, alhamdulelah.

More Children, More Participation

On the surface you would think that more children equates to more work. But my older children (ranging from sixteen to eight) are a HUGE help. Sure there’s more laundry and cooking and overall mess, but there’s also more hands to do it all. From the four year-old up, they have chores. This includes laundry, cooking, kitchen and bathroom cleanup, etc. Having so many working on the clean up eases the burden tremendously.

Additionally, my children can fend for themselves in terms of getting a drink, a snack, or even making their own lunch. Add in the house rule, “Feed Yourself, Feed a Younger Sibling” and even my younger children’s non-communal meals are tended to without much thought from me, except for breastfeeding.

My friend noticed the children’s participation in task oriented responsibilities and realized how it makes parenting much less of a burden. Without all the details falling solely on me, I truly have more time for more quality activities with my family as well as for my own self-development and work. “I can see now,” she commented, “how you can do with so many kids!”

More Children, More Sharing

She also noticed the natural sharing that occurs amongst my children, masha’Allah. There is also a general sense of special consideration and caring for the younger children by older children. This exists even from my two-year old towards the one-year old in my household, but is lacking between her two because they naturally both only look to Mama to do everything.

Another built in benefit of large families is the play factor. There are always siblings to play with and the children can easily entertain themselves. Although there’s no doubt that as the mother, I am of significance to the household relationships and activities, I am not in a situation where the kids constantly come to me for everything they need or want. We are fortunate that there is a fairly decent harmony amongst the siblings, alhamdulelah (but that doesn’t mean things are perfect).

More is Easier

In a way, I feel like this time of family maturity and cohesion is reward for the many years spent grooming the older ones when they were young. I guess I could say, “I’ve done my time,” having my hands full of little ones and everything falling on my shoulders. It’s been my experience that once we got past three children came ease.

Alhamdulelah, for all of the things come easily in a large family, at least for ours. I really don’t find that I have my hands full in the negative way that the comment is intended. If anything, I have extra sets of hands and lots of hearts full of love towards one another that make living amongst my children a real joy as we all are on this life’s journey together, alhamdulelah.

Other Perspectives

It is my intention to feature the stories of other mothers of large families in the coming weeks, insha’Allah. It will be interesting to see how they feel about having their hands full. May Allah ease all our burdens and may our families be united in Jannah (Paradise).

©2011 aisha_alhajjar@yahoo.com, All Rights Reserved (All writings are the original work of Aisha Al Hajjar and are based on her personal research, experiences, and opinions; they do not necessarily reflect the views of any organization or this publication.)