A WHILE back I wrote about the challenges of raising Third Culture Kids (children whose parents are of one culture, but have moved to a different culture, and the children end up with a third culture all their own).  As difficult as this situation can be for parents and their children, it gets even more complicated when changes include a complete revamping of the family's customs and religioius or moral values.  But this is precisely what happens when parents convert to Islam.

Converting to Islam is a different experience than being born and raised Muslim.  My personal experience, as a convert, is full of twists and turns, sacrifices and gains, and simply put:  complete life changes, alhamdulelah.  But many people have asked me about my children, as five of the eight were born prior to my conversion.

Alhamdulelah, my children haven’t been too difficult about it.  But I do realize that many parents haven’t had it so easy.  In the lines that follow I will briefly describe my life prior to Islam, my children’s reactions to my conversion, how I dealt with them, and how they responded through the changes.

Prior to Islam

Just before converting to Islam I was living a very Christian life.  I was working as a church secretary at one church and volunteering at another.  My volunteer roles included:  Vice President of Women’s Ministries, Project Coordinator for Feeding the Homeless, Sunday School Teacher, and various other duties as they arose.

My children shared in my deep involvement with the church.  They assisted me with the Feeding the Homeless Project, attended children’s Bible activities on Wednesday nights, Bible studies on Thursday nights, and morning and evening church services with Sunday school classes on Sundays.  The older two had been baptized just prior to my conversion to Islam and this process included intense classes about the meaning of baptism and they were required to make a public confirmation of their understanding and desire to be baptized.

Mom Converted

When I converted to Islam our entire life was turned upside-down, alhamduelalh.  We had been living in church housing and we obviously had to leave.  My intention was to make hijra to an Islamic country, but I couldn’t do that right away.  In the meantime, I knew that I needed to surround myself with other Muslims in order to find learning opportunities for myself, as well as to acclimate my children to our new lifestyle.  The problem with that was there were no Muslims within a four-hour driving range of our town.

After making dua and researching my options, I decided to temporarily relocate to a Muslim women’s shelter in a completely different town.  Although this was a very difficult choice to make, I knew it would offer my children and I the most exposure to the deen (religion).  I also took a job as a secretary at an Islamic primary school.  With my work, my children were also accepted and enrolled in the school.  These two decisions made for a lot of changes in my children’s lives, but also gave them a very real introduction to Islam and Arab culture prior to our Hijra.

There were many worldly sacrifices that came with these changes, too many to list.  But the hardest felt by my older two children was the loss of church and Bible study activities.  Both of them told me in no uncertain terms, with their Bibles clutched to their chests, “We love Jesus and we are not converting to Islam!”  My son was nearing 11 and my daughter had just turned 9.  The other three children were too young to really realize what was happening with regards to religion, or so I thought.

Dealing With Rejection

As a mother, it was distressing to know that I had caused confusion and distrust, especially in my older children.  I can only imagine what they must’ve been going through.  The poor kids were infused with Christian doctrine as a result the upbringing I had provided.  However, I now knew that they were born with faith in Allah alone and I had a duty to humble myself to the truth and set things right.

…AbuHuraira, narrated that the Prophet said, "Every child is born with a true faith (i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone) but his parents convert him to Judaism or to Christianity or to Magainism, as an animal delivers a perfect baby animal. Do you find it mutilated?" ThenAbu Huraira recited the holy verses: 'The pure Allah's Islamic nature (true faith i.e. to worship none but Allah Alone), with which He has created human beings.' "  [translation of Bukhari Volume 2, Book 23, Number 440] 

I remained patient and made lots of dua.  Outwardly, I told them it was their choice and I didn’t push them.  Inside my heart was breaking as I prayed for Allah to guide them back to Him.  I had no doubts about the decision I had made to convert, but I also knew that I could not force it on my children.

Children’s Shahadah

It is with all praises and thankfulness to Allah that my children were able to take in the new information and assess it for themselves.  The two eldest each took their Shahadah (testament of Islamic faith) of their own accord and subsequently guided their younger brothers and sisters through the process as I watched quietly by the sidelines, masha’Allah.  What joy to see my children leading their younger siblings through the Arabic words of Shahadah.

In fact, after our hijra, my seven-year-old daughter astonished me when she said, “You know, I never believed that Jesus was God anyway.”  I was amazed at her inner wisdom in this regard, masha’Allah.

My three year-old was a complete doll as he sat my mother down, took her hands in his, and instructed her to look into his eyes.  “Grandma, this is important,” he said with complete seriousness.  He then proceeded to recite the Fatiha (first chapter of Qur’an) in Arabic as she listened intently.  Of course she had no idea what he was saying, but my heart melted as I witnessed my little boy so optimistically making dawah (call to religion) to his non-Muslim grandmother; an act I was shy to do myself.  In deed, she did convert to Islam shortly thereafter, alhamdulelah.

These are joys a mother of Muslim born children can never know and I am so grateful for the experiences.  But it wasn’t all without pains.  My five year old lamented about the change of religion as he folded his hands in the traditional Christian prayer posture and said, “Mommy, I liked it better when we prayed like this,” then he crossed his arms over each other in the traditional Islamic prayer posture and continued, “than like this.”  He was expressing his feelings of loss over the fun atmosphere of the Christian Bible school classes as compared to the seriousness of the Qur’an classes he was now attending.  I felt sad for his loss and wished there were more child friendly opportunities for Islamic learning.  Even to this day, I have yet to find any comparable Islamic programs that match the engaging and fun atmosphere that is so easily found in the Christian community to inspire religious learning in children, subhan’Allah.

May Allah Guide Our Children

Even those who raise their children in Islam from birth have no guarantee of their practice of faith as adults.  May Allah guide our children and may they be pleasing to Him and their parents.

In the end, it’s all to Allah to guide whom He wills.  Even the Prophet Mohammed (ṣall Allāhu ʿalay-hi wa-sallam) could not guide his beloved uncle to Islam; just as the Prophet Noah (alayhi s-salām) could not guide his own son or his wife; likewise, the Prophet Lot (alayhi s-salām) could not convince his wife; and the Prophet Ibrahim (alayhi s-salām) could not bring his father.

VERILY, thou canst not guide aright everyone whom thou lovest: but it is God who guides him that wills [to be guided]; and He is fully aware of all who would let themselves be guided.  [Qur’an 28:56]

Note from http://www.islamicity.com/quranSearch

(Quran Ref: 28:56 )

Or: "God guides whomever He wills" - either of these two renderings being syntactically correct. According to several extremely well authenticated Traditions, the above verse relates to the Prophet’s inability to induce his dying uncle Abu Talib, whom he loved dearly and who had loved and protected him throughout his life, to renounce the pagan beliefs of his ancestors and to profess faith in God’s oneness. Influenced by Abu Jahl and other Meccan chieftains, Abu Talib died professing, in his own words, "the creed of Abd al-Muttalib" (Bukhari) or, according to another version (quoted by Tabari), "the creed of my ancestors (al-ashyakh)". However, the Quranic statement "thou canst not guide aright everyone whom thou lovest" has undoubtedly a timeless import as well: It stresses the inadequacy of all human endeavors to "convert" any other person, however loving and loved, to one’s own beliefs, or to prevent him from falling into what one regards as error, unless that person wills to be so guided.

©2011 aisha_alhajjar@yahoo.com, All Rights Reserved  (All writings are the original work of Aisha Al Hajjar and are based on her personal research, experiences, and opinions; they do not necessarily reflect the views of any organization or this publication.)