AS I take pleasure in seeing the "bestest girl in the wholdest world" — my way of calling my year-and-a-half-old niece Zaenah — grow up and do all sorts of new things, I also, quite frankly, worry.

I laughed when she called an apple an “app.” I’m amazed at how hi-tech children are these days. Her inquisitive little mind, which otherwise is so interested in a variety of her surroundings, can never be distracted when the iPhone is in front of her.

YouTube videos, photos and apps, in sequence, are what she always wants to see on the screen. She already knows how to pause and play media files, flip photos, and unlock the phone.

But the videos, photos and apps that she may innocently “unlock” if she is online are not child’s play. The videos that YouTube “suggests” and the “relevant” search results of Google can corrupt an adult’s thinking. What about a child’s?

Zaenah won’t remain a year-and-a-half throughout her life. So what impact will all the immorality and hyper-sexuality — on TV and the Internet — have on her as a maturing child? Moreover, what have we done to shield this corruption from the Zaenah’s of the world — our future generation?

What have we done to keep these young minds innocent and to bring these children up in a safe and pure environment? What alternatives can we provide? What software options do we have to censor inappropriate content?

Where are the necessary discussions to tackle such issues?

Where are parenting clubs and communities?

If you think I’m being overly cautious, then you should read the CSM article that shockingly points out that five-year-old girls today are wearing padded bras!

Parents are concerned that they are “losing control of what happens to their girls at younger and younger ages.”

Well, this shouldn’t be so surprising. What else do we expect when we are, in essence, neglecting our children more and more? When watching immoral movies and soap operas is a “family affair”? When all day long music is blasted in our homes? When singers and entertainers are second caregivers to children as they sit in front of a screen?

And when there is little guidance or oversight of children’s online (and offline) activities?

“Children often come across Internet pornography unintentionally: University of New Hampshire researchers found in 2005 that one-third of Internet users ages 10 to 17 were exposed to unwanted sexual material, and a London School of Economics study in 2004 found that 60 percent of children who use the Internet regularly come into contact with pornography.”

Then there are all the children’s wonderful “friends” who teach everything they’ve learnt from their friends.

Parenting for Parents

Certainly, in correcting the crisis we see affecting children, the solution lies not with the children themselves but with parents who care for them. And these parents need “parenting.”

And following two guidelines can assist in this “parenting” effort:

1. Nurturing the Soul

Allah says (interpretaion of its meaning in English),

“O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones…” (Qur’an, 66:6)

The responsibility that we as Muslim adults have toward our families, and most importantly ourselves, is immense. Every day that we spend of our lives is either taking us closer to Hellfire or Paradise. The Day of Judgment is real, and it is approaching faster than we imagine. Thus, it is imperative that we take control of our lives and shake heedlessness away.

The pleasure of Allah is the ultimate success and His anger is the ultimate loss. Therefore, we need to ask ourselves: Are we leading our lives seeking Allah’s pleasure? Are we obeying Him and staying away from His disobedience? Are we conscious that He is seeing us? Are we fearful that He will punish us for our sins? Are we hopeful for Paradise?

It is impossible to guide our children without being guided ourselves. Reform is a journey that we must embark on collectively with our loved ones. We need only to turn to the Straight Path and keep firm upon it without being distracted by detours.

Set aside time to read, understand, and seek guidance from Allah’s Book – the Qur’an – everyday. EVERYDAY. Regardless of how “busy” you imagine you are. It’s a necessary spiritual nourishment that you should take everyday.  Even if you return home after one o’clock in the morning and you haven’t completed your portion of Qur’an for that day, then DO it!

Actively learn Islam from authentic books and lectures. Regularly attend classes and keep righteous company.

Stay away from sins. Don’t persist in them or take them lightly, because they only lead us to destruction.

Schedule a specific time everyday to make lots of du’aa, to seek Allah’s forgiveness, and to draw closer to your Creator. This ‘ebaadah will help us always be conscious of our lives and deeds and protect us from slipping into neglect.

Enliven Salaah. Understand what you’re saying in your prayers and do not rush through them. The first thing we’ll be questioned about on the Day of Judgment is Salaah. We do not want it to be refused on our faces because our prayer was done with laziness and complacence. May Allah perfect our Salaah and accept it from us. Ameen.

2. Nurturing the Person

We must learn, study, and reflect to sharpen those skills of motherhood and fatherhood. Yes, half of our parenting is done if we, as adults, reform spiritually. But we should have no delusions about the other aspect of correcting ourselves as parents. Taking care of a child requires constant self-development by the adults whom Allah has charged with parenthood.

“You take care of children?!”  This is the way parenting — motherhood in particular — is degraded at dinner tables and the like. Nevertheless, parenting is a duty that Allah has placed on us and has placed in this duty a means of earning unending reward – yes unending, infinite reward.

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said, "All of you are shepherds and each one is responsible for his flock. A leader of a people is a shepherd and responsible for them. A man is a shepherd over his family and is responsible for them. A woman is a shepherd over her husband's house and his children and she is responsible for them. And a servant is a guardian over his master's property and is responsible for it. So all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges." (Al-Bukhari)

The Prophet (صلى الله عليه و سلم) also said, "When a human being dies, all of his deeds are terminated except for three: ongoing sadaqah (charity), knowledge (of Islam) from which others benefit, and a righteous child who makes du'aa for him." (Sahih Muslim)

Bringing up a child is arguably the most intellectually-challenging job an adult will ever do. The degree of the challenge, of course, depends on how the job is done. You can leave your child with a maid all day or place them squarely in front of the TV. Or you can put in some serious effort to nurture the child upon the Qur’an and Sunnah and the basics of life.

Parenting is no joke, particularly in the 21^st century. Another CSM’s article reports:

Today, Professor Elkind says, parents face a difficult role. Until several decades ago, society supported parents. The education system was child-centered, he notes, and adults routinely screened books, TV, and radio to make sure children were not exposed to inappropriate material.

"Now we've gone the other direction," Elkind says. "It is no longer possible for parents to expect other institutions to support healthy parenting, whether it's the schools, media, or advertisers."

As a result, parents must be proactive. Rather than simply waiting and reacting, they must take the initiative and make choices about television and food. "They have to fight the advertisers who are selling kids foods that are not healthy or clothes that are not appropriate."

One sentence sent the message home: Consumerism, like charity, begins at home.

Lessons on Parenting from a Men’s Forum

An interesting discussion took place recently on an online men’s forum that I’m part of. Fathers were discussing the subject of schooling in today’s world.

One brother said, “Good learning is about embedding the love of learning in children and not about becoming repetitive bodies that can recall information when required.”

Another said, “Education is not only about crunching numbers and writing essays, it is supposed to teach children ‘life’ and the understanding of this little four letter word comes with serious sacrifices…In general, the ultimate solution to this problem requires the society to come together and develop strong parenting clubs where moms can get advice on raising children upon Islam and young children can socialize and enjoy group play in the presence of their moms.”

Closing Thoughts

The more I learn about parenting, the more I wonder in amazement: WHOEVER said it was an “unworthy” (or easy) occupation?

While my mind boggles thinking about the parenting challenges that lie ahead inshaaAllah for Zaenah’s parents, my heart finds peace on seeing her proudly wear her grandma’s khimaar and fall down in prostration in prayer.

At only a year-and-a-half, she’s already taken to heart two parenting lessons—the importance of a good example, and the necessity of prayer.

Allahu Akbar!