HAVE you ever been a few days away from menstruation, and you can tell you are about to have your period based on how you feel? Some women experience this phenomenon strongly, and others don’t, but there is a very valid reason for why women tend to have extra emotions during that time of the month. 

Why hormones affect the way we feel

As women our bodies are constantly going through stages, changes, and fluctuations. These hormonal shifts can play a large role in how we are feeling. I remember when I was pregnant with my first child thinking how nice it was that I would have 9 months of not having to worry about this womanly cycle. What I failed to realized is that I was entering a womanly cycle that had hormonal shifts of a magnitude far greater than my period. My body was preparing me to become a mother. 

During pregnancy our bodies produce an abundance of estrogen and progesterone. These hormones are vital in supporting the pregnancy, but shortly after the baby is born these hormones are flushed out of your body at a rapid rate. You sense the loss of these hormones, and feel the loss of a pregnancy. 

Baby bliss

Before I talk about the negative feelings we tend to feel after birth, I’d like to discuss the often overlooked feeling of bliss! 

As I entered labor with my second child I felt so much excitement. I was serious in my work of labor, but I couldn’t wait to meet this little baby my body was growing. Towards the end of my labor I felt like I was going to die. My body had taken over its job of birthing, and my mind couldn’t stop the work, so I surrendered. I allowed my body to do what it was going to do, because that was the only way my baby was going to be born. Suddenly an immense power took over me, and my body began pushing; uncontrollable, unstoppable, and intensely powerful pushing. I felt as though my body would explode, but instead of exploding out came the most adorable creature one could imagine! She was beautiful! I gazed into her eyes, and the oxytocin (a hormone our bodies produce during sex and birth) that helped me cope with the pain was still present in my body at high levels, but now the pain was over. I felt like I was on cloud nine! 

No one took my sweet baby from me at birth. I sat in a pool of warm water cradling my newborn, and greeting her with words of love and adoration. All around me was family, and a supportive midwife. The room was muffled in my head though. All I heard or saw was this sweet baby, and the room around me was a like a dream. We stayed that way for probably 15 minutes, before I became serious about delivering my placenta, and getting cleaned up. 

The memory of her birth kept me in a state of bliss for days to come. My body was tired from giving birth, and the constant demands of my newborn were present, but thinking about that moment made me so grateful for this new blessing. I was in love!

Baby blues

After such an amazing birth and a healthy baby you’d think that I wouldn’t experience any sadness. I wish that was the case, but it wasn’t. My mom who had come from two states away to be present at my daughter’s birth needed to get home soon. She had other life matters to attend to, and at day 5 postpartum it was time for her to leave. 

This didn’t bother me in the least, I felt really good at this point, and knew I’d be fine without her; after she left though I secretly cried like a baby. I didn’t even know why I was crying, but I cried (I’ve still never told anyone this, :). I was scared to be left alone with a toddler and newborn. Rationally I knew I was fine, but something in me just needed to cry. After allowing myself to feel this way for a short time, I stopped crying, nursed, remembered how precious my newborn was, and life went on as usual. 

Most experts estimate that 80% of women experience baby blues after delivery. I believe that statistic must be true, because it’s rare that I encounter a woman who’s given birth that hasn’t experienced a feeling of unexplainable sadness after birth. They do exist, and they are blessed mothers for sure, but the majority will go through these feelings. 

What is postpartum depression?

Postpartum depression or PPD is not simply a sadness that comes and goes like the baby blues but a state a sadness that affects the way we function. Some of the symptoms include, but aren’t limited to: difficulty focusing on tasks, loss of appetite, a feeling of indifference towards the baby, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of guilt and worthlessness. 

After the delivery of my first born I was not feeling well. I had planned a peaceful birth at home, but things didn’t work out that way. I was transported to the hospital, and had a very difficult delivery with him. Unlike the birth of my daughter, I was full of synthetic drugs that interrupted this normal flow of hormones. After my son was born they whisked him off to be weighed, poked, prodded, and measured, while the doctor stitched up my painful tear. When he was brought back to me tightly swaddled I felt this weird feeling like I hadn’t just given birth. It was hard to think that this was the same baby I was growing for nine months. I felt disconnected. I thought I would fall instantly in love, but was surprised that while I loved him, I was far from being “in love with him.” 

I came home from the hospital and cried off and on for days. That first week was a blur of pain and tears. I didn’t have enough help, and was very unprepared. I panicked over every little thing, and was starting to even hear things. I thought my phone was ringing once, and went to answer it only to discover it wasn’t ringing at all. This also happened with door bell. This was mostly due to sleep deprivation, but the devastating birth also had a role to play. I have a naturally happy disposition, and these new feelings surprised me. 

I’d probably classify what I experienced after my son’s birth as being somewhere between baby blues, and PPD. Definitely more intense then the baby blues I had with my daughter, but true PPD usually lasts much longer then the length I experienced it. Suffice to say it was not an easy time, and I have great empathy for new mothers who go through this kind of experience.

Eventually I did fall in love with my baby boy. Someone wise (I can’t remember who now ) suggested that we try some skin-to-skin bonding. This helps with breastfeeding, and is an important tool for newborns and mothers. I took off all my son’s clothes except his diaper, and prepared to craddle him, skin-to-skin. I then laid down, or sat up, whatever was most comfortable for us, and snuggled with my baby keeping a blanket over the both of us to retain warmth. One night when my son was crying, and nursing wasn’t consoling him, I began to snuggle him skin to skin, and instantly his tears stopped. I felt this warm helpless baby, and magically a strong feeling of love grew. He was beautiful! It took a couple of days, but now I was in love, and we forged a deep bond that is still present to this day. 

How do I know I have PPD?

This question may not be easy to answer, and the reason being is that most of us don’t like admitting that we are having a difficult time. It is important however to acknowledge the problem if you are experiencing PPD so that you can seek out the support you need. I encourage you to go here to check for symptoms of PPD. Be honest with yourself! Around 20 % of women experience PPD, and to me it’s no wonder with the increased way in which modern hospitals have created an unnatural environment for parent -child bonding. Please know that there are very real and valid reasons to what you are experiencing, and there are ways of coping. 

I’m pregnant, how can I prevent PPD?

Education and preparation are keys to preventing PPD. If depression runs in your family, or you’ve already experienced bouts of depression at other points in your life, you are at a higher risk for having PPD after you deliver. 

1. Learn about birth and plan for the best! I highly encourage you to look into childbirth education classes. Planning for the best birth experience possible can help keep you in a happy frame of mind once your baby arrives.
2. Talk with friends and family about PPD. Make sure that your spouse understands that feeling sad is normal in the weeks following birth, but there is a point that you may need help. Help him to know the signs of PPD before the baby arrives so that if you don’t see it for yourself, someone can help you cope.
3. Have a support group ready for after birth. Friends and family bringing you meals, someone to cook and clean for you, and just keep you company in general can help greatly.
4. Take time to just be with your baby after the birth.  Make sure that you are able to hold your baby immediately after birth if she/he is healthy. This is important for the both of you, and will help with breastfeeding as well. 

I already have PPD what can I do?

Coping with PPD goes beyond the scope of this article, because every person and their experiences are different. I encourage you to talk with a trusted care provider if you are experiencing PPD. My midwife made her own wonderful blend of herbs specifically to help her clients have a positive postpartum experience. I drank it every day after my daughter’s birth, and think it must have helped greatly. Perhaps you can do your own research for herbs to help have a positive postpartum experience. 

A normal part of life

One of my sisters is a foster mom, and had already adopted one sweet boy before carrying a child to term for the first time. She’d been through so many emotionally devastating miscarriages, but she is a strong woman, and always dealt with her emotions with great grace. She delivered my sweet niece via planned necessary c-section. She had prepared herself well for the section, and had a very positive experience. She cried tears of joy at seeing her baby for the first time. 

I remember calling her a couple of days after she delivered to ask her how she was. All she said was, “These postpartum emotions are crazy.” I laughed, because I knew exactly what she was talking about. She was incredibly happy about her new baby’s arrival, but she told me that she would bawl her eyes out for no apparent reason on a whim. For anyone who knows my sister this is VERY unlike her! 

These “crazy” feelings as she described them, stayed as just that; the normal feelings a woman has after a baby is born. It is important though for women to know the difference between baby blues and PPD so that way she knows when to ask for help, and when all we need is time and a baby to snuggle.