The following excerpt is from the summary of the book ‘How to Make Your Wife Happy’ by Sheikh Mohammed Abdelhaleem Hamed.

Beautiful Reception

After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:

•    Begin with a good greeting.

•    Start with Assalamu 'Alaykum and a smile. Salaam is a sunnah and a du'a for her as well.

•    Shake her hand and leave bad news for later!

Sweet Speech and Enchanting Invitations 

•    Choose words that are positive and avoid negative ones.

•    Give her your attention when you speak or she speaks.

•    Speak with clarity and repeat words if necessary until she understands.

•    Call her with the nice names that she likes, e.g. my sweet-heart, honey, saaliha, etc.

Friendliness and Recreation 

•    Spend time talking together.

•    Spread to her goods news.

•    Remember your good memories together. 

Games and Distractions 

•    Joke around and have a sense of humor.

•    Play and compete with each other in sports or whatever.

•    Take her to watch permissible (halal) types of entertainment.

•    Avoid prohibited (haram) things in your choices of entertainment. 

Assistance in the Household 

•    Do what you as an individual can or like to do that helps her out, especially if she is sick or tired.

•    The most important thing is making it obvious that you appreciate her hard work.

Consultation (Shurah) 

•    Specifically in family matters.

•    Give her the feeling that her opinion is important to you.

•    Study her opinion carefully.

•    Be willing to change an opinion for hers if it is better.

•    Thank her for helping him with her opinions. 

Visiting Others 

•    Choose well-raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)

•    Pay attention to ensure Islamic manners during visits.

•    Don't force her to visit whom she does not feel comfortable with. 

Conduct During Travel 

•    Offer a warm farewell and good advice.

•    Ask her to pray for him.

•    Ask pious relatives and friends to take care of the family in your absence.

•    Give her enough money for what she might need.

•    Try to stay in touch with her whether by phone, e-mail, letters, etc.

•    Return as soon as possible.

•    Bring her a gift!

•    Avoid returning at an unexpected time or at night.

•    Take her with you if possible.

Financial Support 

•    The husband needs to be generous within his financial capability. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).

•    He gets rewards for all what he spends on her sustenance even for a small piece of bread that he feeds her by his hand (hadeeth).

•    He is strongly encouraged to give to her before she asks him.

Smelling Good and Physical Beautification 

•    Following the Sunnah in removing hair from the groin and underarms.

•    Always being clean and neat.

•    Put on perfume for her.

Intercourse 

•    It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)

•    Start with "Bismillah" and the authentic du'a.

•    Enter into her in the proper place only (not the anus).

•    Begin with foreplay including words of love.

•    Continue until you have satisfied her desire.

•    Relax and joke around afterwards.

•    Avoid intercourse during the monthly period because it haram

•    Do what you can to avoid damaging her level of hayaa (shyness and modesty), such as taking your clothes off together instead of asking her to do it first while you are looking on.

•    Avoid positions during intercourse that may harm her such as putting pressure on her chest and blocking her breath, especially if you are heavy.

•    Choose suitable times for intercourse and be considerate as sometimes she maybe sick or exhausted.

Guarding Privacy 

Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters. 

Aiding in the Obedience to Allah 

•    Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray Qiyam-ul-Layl (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku').

•    Teach her what you know of the Qur'an and its tafseer.

•    Teach her Dhikr (ways to remember Allah by the example of the prophet) in the morning and evening.

•    Encourage her to spend money for the sake of Allah such as in a charity sale.

•    Take her to Hajj and Umrah when you can afford to do so. 

Showing Respect for Family and Friends 

•    Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.

•    Invite them to visit her and welcome them.

•    Give them presents on special occasions.

•    Help them when needed with money, effort, etc..

•    Keep good relations with her family after her death, if she dies first. Also, in this case the husband is encouraged to follow the sunnah and keep giving what she used to give in her life to her friends and family. 

(Islamic) Training & Admonition 

This includes:

•    The basics of Islam

•    Her duties and rights

•    Reading and writing

•    Encouraging her to attend Islamic lessons and halaqahs

•    Islamic rules (ahkam) related to women

•    Buying Islamic books and tapes for the home library 

Admirable Jealousy 

•    Ensure she is wearing proper hijab before leaving house.

•    Restrict free mixing with non-mahram men.

•    Avoid excessive jealousy.

Examples of excessive jealousy are:

1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean

2- Preventing her from going out of the house when the reasons are just.

3- Preventing her from answering the phone.

Patience and Mildness 

•    Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses/arguments and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.

•    Anger should be shown when she exceeds the boundaries of Allah, by delaying prayers, backbiting, watching prohibited scenes on TV, etc.

•    Forgive the mistakes she does to you.

Pardoning and Appropriate Censure 

•    Account her only for larger mistakes.

•    Forgive mistakes done to you but account her for mistakes done in Allah's rights, e.g. delaying prayers, etc.

•    Remember all the good she does whenever she makes a mistake.

•    Remember that all humans err so try to find excuses for her such as 'she may be tired or sad', 'she may be having her monthly cycle' or 'her commitment to Islam is growing'.

•    Avoid attacking her for the bad cooking of the food as the Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wa sallam) never blamed any of his wives for this. If he likes the food, he eats and if he doesn't then he does not eat and does not comment.

•    Before declaring her to be in error, try other indirect approaches that are more subtle than direct accusations.

•    Escape from using insults and words that may hurt her feelings.

•    When it becomes necessary to discuss a problem wait until you have privacy from others.

•    Wait until the anger has subsided a bit. This can help you keep control over your words.

Finally, please make Du'a for the writer; Sheikh Mohammad Abdelhaleem Hamed, for the translator brother Abu Talhah and for reviewer Br. Adam Qurashi. Remember this is not a perfect translation so forgive us our faults and correct our errors. Muslim Students' Association University of Alberta Edmonton, Canada February, 1999.

Source: Huda