I THINK it’s safe to say that most women want the benefits of being married. We want some of the same things – to be loved and taken care of and to have a companion. But how many of us put in the work to receive those benefits? And how many of us are thinking, “what work?”

AFTER reading Does Mom = Superwoman, I started thinking about my husband. Usually when I sit down to tell him how I feel so overwhelmed with the kids and the house, how no one appreciates me, and how being a mom is hard work, he responds with, “Being a husband and father is hard work too.”

“But that’s different,” I want to say. He’s supposed to be the strong one. But I realized, he’s also human. He gets less sleep than I do, but he keeps going.  Our husbands make mistakes, get cranky, and sometimes they get overwhelmed too. Just like we do.

NO one told me that I would feel like I’m losing my faith.

But then what did we have in the first place if this is a part of faith?

No one told me tests would actually hurt. But Allah says, “Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said, ‘When is the help of Allah?’” (Qur'an, 2:214)

No one told me I would dislike something halal. Allah says, “But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you.” (2: 216)

No one told me that I would be forced to cry to Allah and face my fears. Allah says, “Seek help through patience and prayer; and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive” (2:45)

No one told me that my husband doesn’t need my approval and that he doesn’t belong to me, but to this we say “Verily we belong to Allah and to Him we will return.”

WE’VE seen the numerous ahadith (sayings of the prophet) about a woman’s obligation to obey her husband. You’ve probably read about her obligation to respond to her husband’s needs and the punishment for not doing so and maybe you begin to wonder, “What about me? What do I get?”

Well, the reward is great (in this life and the next). The prophet (peace be upon him) said that the reward for obedience to the husband and fulfilling his rights is equivalent to jihad (struggle for the sake of Allah).[1] But what if the words ‘obey’ and ‘submit’ don’t exactly motivate you?