EVERY week I meet two high school girls at a place in Jeddah where I attend classes. Most of their excited talk revolves around the ‘hottest’ guy in their school to the weekly sundry crushes they have. The girls are ever-inquisitive about how many boyfriends I have, and have even managed to peep at my phone’s contact book, stopping at every male contact to look askance at me and ask: ‘This must be your boyfriend, no?’

Sometimes, in social gatherings, the ‘are you married?’ or ‘are you engaged’ questions are replaced with ‘do you have a boyfriend?’

Call me old-fashioned or simply passion-proof, I admit I have never been fascinated by my schoolmates’, and later, college mates’, obsession with the B-word. Yes, Boyfriend. ‘Top Secrets’ are kept, classes are bunked, rumors are made and even fights are picked up because of the B-word.

Why are we girls so fixated over what can be best described as an illicit non-marital (similar to extra-marital) relationship?

I have always looked with pity at my friends who are ‘seeing someone’. This, for two reasons: One, the countless arguments they seem to have with their boyfriends (on the phone of course) that take up most of their time in the absence of their parents, such as, the lunch hour (or any free hour) in college, depriving them of spending any quality time with their classmates and friends, leaves them totally exhausted and distracted for the rest of the day in college. With ever-demanding parents, grumbling teachers, endless exams, peer pressure and all that, who wants an additional hassle of a boyfriend?

Second, looking at the endless lying they indulge in with their parents, teachers, etc. in cooking up stories – from bunking classes to pretending to be talking to a ‘friend’ on phone – I am sure these girls have a numb conscience that allows them to deceive the most important persons in their life.

Frankly, it is reasons like these that made me averse to jumping into the boyfriend bandwagon. Of course, irrespective of these, a sound Aqeedah (Islamic belief) is enough for us to distinguish between the right and the wrong.

It is easy to go the usual blame-the-west way in this case as well but a closer look, as close as home, can give a set of entirely different reasons for this common inanity among young girls. Many times, children go the prohibited way just to defy their parents. Children need to be loved and if they are not, they would look for it elsewhere. Their need for attention also, if unfulfilled inside their home, is met outside. Being ‘strict’ with them and putting them under a virtual lock and key may not always be the solution, and on the contrary, can act as triggers for  unleashing base desires in them. Parents must talk to their children and explain to them the seriousness of the issue from a very young age so that the lessons are ingrained in them as they enter their teens. Ordering or forbidding them then does not guarantee the obeying of the order.

Sadly, what can be a powerful Da’wah tool – Facebook – is only adding to this menace among the Muslim youth. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were to be banned here faced with allegations of not conforming to Saudi Arabia’s ‘values’ and ‘morals’ and of ‘crossing a line’, a preview of which we already got recently. In any case, it would be a shame if despite such reminders we were to loose an important medium of mass communication.

It is definitely not rocket science that regulating one’s activity on any social networking site is needed. For example, a few of my girlfriends complain of being bombarded by a dozen ‘can we be frainds’ or ‘I wanna make fraainship’ requests. Well, if that is genuinely bothering you, then Do NOT upload your pictures on Facebook – simple! I have tried it: When my profile picture showed me (with Hijab), I would get at least four to five friend requests and a similar number of messages in my inbox a day. I then changed the display picture to that of an animated image and now I don’t receive that crap any more.

Surely, not wanting to project a holier-than-thou-attitude, I must admit that I too have had my crushes and weak moments. But what more I can do apart from seeking forgiveness from the Most-Forgiving?

And as for those who consider it ‘cool’ to be ‘boyfriended’, including my two friends at the classes, trust me, it’s not worth the trouble.