WOMEN and driving in Saudi…a debate I try to stay away from. After all, I’m a foreigner here and this is a topic that must be dealt with by the citizens of the land. However hard I try, I keep finding it pop up in front of me.

Just this week I discovered I’d been added to two contradicting Facebook groups. One is a group supporting the women’s driving initiative and the other a group opposed.

I did not join these groups, I was added. I don’t mind being added to groups and often find much benefit from suddenly receiving posts on topics I would have otherwise missed. Besides, I can always exit any if I feel I don’t fit in. But my dilemma with these is that I don’t know which side I belong to.

The decades-old debate

Obviously this debate has been raging for years. In fact, I’d venture to guess it’s been the subject of conversations since before I was born! If I visit the pros and cons of each side I find myself relating to both. Such ambivalence comes from personal experience with the good and the bad of having driven for over two decades in my own home country.

Women are already driving

We’ve all read or heard stories of women driving in the Kingdom. Recent headlines have told of women who have driven in a moment of emergency (Jeddah floods, husband’s heart attack, etc.) or as a social outcry or protest (You Tube). There is also the common notion of women driving in the rural desert areas as a matter of regular practice (although I haven’t gone there to witness this myself, I assume it’s true).

Enjoying the added support of not driving

There certainly are some things I enjoy about not being able to drive. One is the fact that my husband must take the burden for the household errands (since we don’t employ a driver). It’s not that I’m lazy and don’t want to do the shopping. In fact, usually he drives and we go together; it wouldn’t make sense to send him alone as I’m the one planning and cooking the meals. But because I can’t drive he has to come with me. Honestly, I really appreciate his company and input during the ride and grocery aisle surfing. 

Lamenting the restrictions

However, there are times when his schedule is just too full and some things are left undone. Here I sit, perfectly capable of the chore, but unable to accomplish it without a brutal wait in the heat for a taxi, followed by the mercy of an unknown driver to reach my destination. I’m fortunate to have older sons who can accompany me on such rides, but it’s still undesirable. Most times, I wait it out until my husband can spare a couple of hours out of his hectic week to fit it in. I feel for him as I know he works hard, is tired, and has limited time.

Then there are the various social events my children and I miss due to lack of transportation. I suppose these are not necessary, but as home schooled kids, my children really benefit when they are able to participate. Sometimes the husbands in my circle of friends share the responsibility so that the kids get to go while the fathers aren’t tied down with the burden every time. Other times it just doesn’t work out.

Personal dilemma

But I think the real clincher for me was my recent business trips. My dear husband sacrificed large chunks of time to drive me to Dubai one week and Jeddah the next. Due to the distance of the trips (we live in Riyadh) I feel it imperative that he accompany me, regardless if I can drive or not.

During the Dubai trip, he was tired and barely stayed awake during the trek to the Emirate border. We pulled over several times for him to rest on the Saudi side of the road. However, as a licensed driver from my homeland, I was able to take over the wheel once we crossed the border. He was relieved as he was able to sleep in the passenger’s seat while we continued to roll along. Even so, with all the extra rest stops on the Saudi side, our nine-hour drive took eighteen hours! Imagine this in a car packed like sardines with eight children!

When we went to Jeddah the next week he was just as tired. But this time I had a real time crunch for arriving. Like the Dubai trip, he did take roadside naps, but this time I couldn’t take over the burden for him. During the drive I was terrified he’d sleep at the wheel and kill us all. This nine-hour drive took only thirteen hours, as he really pushed himself against exhaustion to make my appointment.

Asking for choice

Both of those trips make me yearn to drive. Not day-to-day, as I do appreciate my husband’s added involvement in the household as compared to Western-style living. But I would like the freedom of choice. I would like to drive during those long trips when my husband is right there with me but too tired to carry the burden. I would like to drive to the market on those weeks where his schedule is just too busy for a break. I would like to drive when my kids or I have an awesome educational or social opportunity that he just can’t make. I want to exercise my judgment with my husband’s full approval and move about as we see fit, without the added expense and fitnah of hiring a foreign driver.

Facing the threats

But what about these men on Facebook who are threatening to beat women drivers with their oqals? Should such threats of harm or harassment preclude women from the roads? Do they think this is protecting the weaker species by forcing them into submission?

“MEN SHALL take full care of women…” [4:34]

This topic was eloquently covered on Monday’s “Thoughts for Discussion” أفكار للحوار column by Abdallah Al-Mouallimi, in Al Madina paper. In his article, أنا المرأة ..!! “I am Woman,” Mouallimi challenges men, not to hold women back, but to protect them and help them on the road.

Damsel in distress

This reminds me of several incidents where I was the “damsel in distress” in my homeland. Once I had two flat tires, one after the other, on a deserted stretch of highway. With the first flat, an unknown passerby stopped to change my tire without a moment’s hesitation nor harassment.

When the second tire blew a few miles later, I was stuck without even a spare. A family stopped and the husband threw my flat spare into their van and they drove me to the nearest garage, several miles away. Once there, the mechanic quickly fixed my tire and a truck driver took me back to my vehicle, changed the second tire, and sent me on my way. I was not Muslim back then, but even so, none of these men took advantage of me or harassed me. Each one instinctively stepped up to protect and help me without a moment’s hesitation.

I’ve encountered a few other automotive breakdowns in my time. In each case I’ve been vulnerable to the help of men. But in each case, the goodness of assisting the weaker gender beautifully came shining through.

Call for protection

It leaves me to ponder my Muslim brothers in Saudi. Shouldn’t Islam be their call to be all-the-more eager to serve and protect women in need? Why is it that we are threatened or fear trusting their intentions and assume women will be harassed and harmed? What’s wrong with this picture? Is it women driving or is it men missing the role of protection?

A matter of trust

There will always be pros and cons raging in conservative and liberal debates. But in the end, I pray that families can be trusted to do what’s in their best interest. For some that may be that male members do all the driving, for others the women may drive, for several a hired driver may be used, and for me it might be a combination of all three.

But never should the issue of trusting my Muslim brothers’ deeds towards me be a consideration. This is where men need to stand up against harm towards women and propagate their help and support, no matter what driving choice is made.

©2011 aisha_alhajjar@yahoo.com, All Rights Reserved (All writings are the original work of Aisha Al Hajjar and are based on her personal research, experiences, and opinions; they do not necessarily reflect the views of The American Academy of Husband-Coached Childbirth®, The Bradley Method®, or this publication.)