It gives me immense pleasure to e-host an amazing personality who has been, for the past 14 years, serving expatriates in Saudi Arabia in a way very few may have done.

Trae, a British woman with Saudi nationality, runs a very popular email and support group called Expats in Saudi Arabia.

She is a single mom widowed after 13 cherished years of marriage to a “wonderful Saudi man”, as she fondly remembers him (may Allah have mercy on him).

It’s an honor to have her share with us her unique story.

Thank you for the time, Trae. Please tell us more about yourself.

Hi! Thanks Faraz. Well my journey to the ‘Magikal Kingdom’ (as most expats fondly call Saudi Arabia) started when I was 20 years old. I’d married my husband who was Saudi when I was 19. Because of financial hardships in the UK, we decided to move to Saudi Arabia. I was born in Liverpool, England, where we are known as Scousers. I met my husband while he was studying English at the local college.

How did you get married to a Saudi? When did you come to Saudi Arabia?

Being in the UK meant that my husband and me had to first marry in the local mosque, and then we married in a registry office to make it official, Islamically and in the eyes of UK law. To move to Saudi, we had to then marry in the main mosque in London. So in fact I was very lucky and had 3 marriages all to the same man, lol. We moved out in March 1990, a few months before the first Gulf war, which was a terrifying prospect to a Liverpool girl who’d never left even the UK before.

How did you find life in Saudi?

I have to admit I long for the old days more than the beautiful country Saudi has become. I lived in Makkah for the first six months. It was a huge cultural shock, but I now look back fondly at waking to the dawn prayer to eat tomese and drink fresh cow’s milk from the family farm, watch all the old men walk sleepily to their outside bathrooms... all the old ally ways between the buildings and children playing simple games. Six months later we moved to Jeddah where I spent the next 20 years. I consider Jeddah my home.

What made you start the email group?

I actually never started the group. It was started by a British policeman (Leckie) who was working in Saudi. At the time my husband had been diagnosed with Stage 5 cancer and I was looking for cancer help groups. Back then Jeddah had very few health facilities for cancer patients.

I joined Leckie’s group ‘Expats in Saudi Arabia’. I found I could help a lot of the members back then with my experiences of Saudi. We only had a few hundred members and it helped focus my mind off my own pain of my husband dying and looking after a new born baby and young son.

After a while, Leckie left the Kingdom and asked if I would take over the group as I had helped so much on it. I agreed, never thinking I would still be running it 14 years later with over 6,000 members that are only increasing all the time.

Tell us more about the email group. What is its purpose? What does it focus on?

The group is for any person thinking of living or working in Saudi Arabia, regardless of nationality, religion or gender. I found on the Internet there are many sites giving information on rules in Saudi, laws etc., but most are outdated as Saudi is always evolving. Every city has its own rules and traditions, so you can’t advise on the country as a whole. Also, a lot of the people giving info on Saudi left the country five to ten years ago. But in our group, 90% of the members actually live in the Kingdom and they are all in different cities.

Then you have sites that only cater to professionals or women. We address the needs of everyone. For example, a family coming to the Kingdom may ask on how to settle down, etc. Basically, we advise on life from small things like ‘where can we buy English muffins in Riyadh’ to questions on labour and business law. We share information on activities for the whole family, schooling, and health care, and we also clear misconceptions about the Kingdom.

It’s a terrifying prospect to move to a country that is so different from your own, and I guess being able to talk and question ordinary people like yourself helps allay some fears.

14 years is a lifetime! The group must be quite close to your heart. What memorable experiences do you recall? What serves as encouragement for you to carry on?

A lady once helped me when I was bankrupt after I lost my husband. I hardly knew her. When I said I would pay her back, she told me the only payment she needed was to know that if I came across others in need, I would help them. That was a truly selfless act on her behalf. While the group was before this, it’s the creed of ‘helping others’ I stick to.

It takes us maybe 5 minutes to answer someone’s question, but those 5 minutes can change someone’s life for the better.  I find expats tend to stay together and help each other. Most become extended families when living in another country. It’s awesome to see all barriers dropped and all nationalities and religions sticking together. I myself as a British Muslim have as three of my closest friends ever a Hindu Indian lady, an American Catholic lady and an Ethiopian Catholic lady. Our children all played together and I think we all became enriched from learning each other’s way. Sadly, it’s rare to see that in many countries, but it shows hope for how the world could be if we opened our eyes and embraced each other instead of fearing each other. So I guess in a way I hope my group will in some part help with this.

How do you generally find expatriates living in the Kingdom? What kinds of attitudes do they have? And what advice would you give to those living here or considering moving here?

I would advise, first and most importantly, to have an open mind. You have to be flexible and patient, as there are no rules written in stone in the Kingdom. ANY thing is possible here. Most expats who come here are very educated on life here and have travelled a lot, so they are open to the challenges Saudi poses.

Obviously, we have those from 1^st world countries and 3^rd world countries, so we try to cater to each individual’s needs.

I find that a lot of long-term expats end up considering Saudi as their home and they are loath to leave eventually. Most are sad they can never come back after they have brought up their children up here in Saudi society. Obviously, you get a few negative people, but that’s due to them not coming with an open mind. We have to remember that it is not our country, so we should try to fit in.

Thankfully, we also have some very educated Saudi members who help show how Saudi nationals can be. And in some cases they become the first local an expat may interact with.

Thank you so much Trae! It was wonderful talking to you. I hope Expats in Saudi Arabia continues to benefit people in many ways. Lots of du’as for you and the group.